And so this week’s moment of happiness despite the news.
There are many amazing moments in parenthood, times that you stop and observe your kids from a distance and think, I’m so glad I decided to have children. Just look at them!
Of course, there are other moments, especially from age 0 to 18 years, when you look at them and think, What have I done? Parenthood attitudes can change from hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second.
Which is why I truly appreciate being the mom to adults now. Getting to see who my kids have become, despite me, or maybe even because of me.
I have four kids. They are still my children, but I’m tempted to change my vocabulary now to say I have four adults. My first three came bing, bing, bing, in a four-year period. Babies 1 and 2 are 26 months apart. Babies 2 and 3 are 13 months apart. This may be why there are 13 years, not months, between Babies 3 and 4. The “babies” are now 42, 40, 39, and turning 26 next month. For the first time since 1989, I don’t have anyone in school. They’re all working full-time jobs, and doing very well. Three are college-educated. Two have advanced degrees. All four have a very proud mom.
It’s weird, really, how whatever age they are, I look at them as “young”. By the time I was soon-to-be 26, Olivia’s age, I was married (at 20) and I had 3 children. I looked at my middle son, Andy, the other day, and realized when I was 40 years old, like he is, I had 3 teenagers and a newborn. At almost 26 and 40, I felt heavy with adulthood. But I look at these 4 and think, Why are they so young? I don’t remember ever feeling as young as they look to me.
I have one grandchild, and she is now thirteen years old and taller than I am. I’m watching her progress from pink and purple dresses and tutus, to black holey jeans, black t-shirts, and black and white rubber-toed sneakers. I watch my oldest child, Christopher, as he parents, and I admire him as my only child who has a child. This week, I had to reach out and tell him, just like I used to tell him when he got good grades, or performed well in cross country or band, or made a good decision, what a good job I think he’s doing with being a dad.
Both my daughter Olivia, at soon-to-be 26, and my granddaughter Maya, at 13, have gotten into what is called cosplay. Think of “Trekkies”, and those conferences where everyone showed up dressed as their favorite Star Trek character. There’s a whole universe dressing up now, trying to resemble characters from video games, graphic novels, comic books, Anime, and more. And they take it very seriously at their conventions (called cons), which feature events like runways to model your costume, or talent shows, and even drag queen or burlesque shows. The costumes are elaborate, the play-acting complete. I’ve watched Olivia completely transform herself into someone or something I don’t recognize. And now my granddaughter too. But Olivia got into it after she had her driver’s license, so she takes herself to these things. At 13, my granddaughter needed a driver. And as this “con” was in Madison, an hour away, my son was recruited to drive her, and to stay and wander around for the entire day.
Though recruit is probably the wrong word. He volunteered. Which is why I had to reach out to him.
Undoubtedly, my father would never have taken the time to drive me to something like this.
I also don’t doubt that my son’s father, my first husband, wouldn’t take him to something like this.
But Christopher went with enthusiasm.
When I texted Christopher, I said, “Just wanted to tell you – you are such a great dad for bringing Maya to this con!”
He answered, “Of course. LOL!”
I said, “There are a lot of parents who don’t like the cosplay. They find it weird and some say it’s evil. So I think you’re great.”
He said, “It’s 100% not. LOL!” (My son was a happy boy, and now he’s a happy man.)
I said, “It’s just a form of self-expression. Good for you for supporting Maya!”
He answered, “I mean, I’m not into it myself, but there’s nothing wrong with it at all.
So yes. I’m perfectly happy taking her.”
And he was. He did. I got reports throughout the day, including how Maya and her friend filled the back seat with chatter and giggles. I heard from my daughter too.
I sat back and listened, relishing in the fun and joy from a distance, and also realizing, quietly, that I’ve raised four great people.
And (so far), one great parent.
And yes, that helps. Despite. Anyway.
